What happened when someone unexpectedly asked me about my ADHD diagnosis

journal - style notes. Examples please.. ‘Demand’ made, brain gone

Someone asks you to describe the ‘symptoms’ of ADHD, in a conversation where you weren’t planning on talking about it.
You are so flummoxed and give abstract examples, that would make perfect sense to an ADHDer but leave others more baffled than before! (I know there is sometimes bewilderment, no matter what)

Contrast:

Sometimes when there is a problem, you may need time to sit down and consider this in a peaceful environment. Or, you run the steps quickly, if feeling ‘on fire’.
A train is cancelled. There are a few different modes of transport, bags and changes involved. Your brain scans solutions and issues. You come to a logical conclusion. Everyone else in your party has a discussion where they go through each of the options and the potential problems that they might raise. You feel you have completed the steps.
A train is a bad example, as timings are a huge issue, but sometimes the brain works quickly and make decisions quickly. You just know.
You feel you have to pretend you haven’t already done that when you said ‘I think we should…’   People discuss, in the way your brain did. They reach your conclusion.
You have thought of the options, but don’t want to sound arrogant. It is not meant like that. But, if we do this immediately now and then… and then… we have … ticket. Lets act.
I worry that sounds bad.

OR..something changes and this is uncomfortable. You need time for that discomfort to shift a bit, for the information to sink in and then, alone, you will reach the conclusion. At first, you don’t like the new idea. Maybe, a day later, or hours later it is welcome. I am a creature of habit.
Same foods. Simplistic. Like things the way I like them. Never want to make a fuss, but just want to quietly ‘do me’

You put off making plans and completing smaller organisational tasks that take five minutes and feel like you have climbed a mountain when you finally do! It was in the ‘standby to do this ASAP’ queue for weeks. This is Exhausting.

More complicated things, or something niche is ok, but tasks perceived as simple, everyday, ‘ordinary’ things, a real struggle. Looking after myself and my practical needs can feel hard. Laundry and organisation of clothes an absolute nightmare. You dream up storage solutions, with specific areas for items that are categorised in ways many others would not. These fantasies are heavenly and all storage solutions would be followed.
Items with other items you may need around the same time of year or on the same sort of tasks. Organised chaos. If the chaos is disrupted that is upsetting. An item in the wrong pile.

If I am in a small group, or just with one person, and having a chat, great. No small talk. Getting stuck in! In a group I can be silent and listen when I want to if I’m not wanting to engage as much. If there are jokes and banter and chat, I enjoy it.

Sometimes I have just ‘had enough’.

Intimate, a small group. Brings energy and joy. Can be tiring, depending. But, if I am really comfortable, fantastic.

Standing up in a room, having drinks, mingling, networking, moving groups.. a nightmare! For a start, I want to sit on a high up stool and converse from there (I used to this people would think I had hurt my leg!) and I’d mainly like to sit and be with ‘my people’. Ones I feel more cosy with.
Standing on the spot and chatting without jiggling on the spot.. arrgghh. If mood music is playing in the background, I want to bop to it, or mark out the beat, in some way, with my hands. Don’t feel I can be that free. I am very aware of every song playing.

Also, everything in life can feel urgent, especially the things I am not doing! I mentally constantly punish myself with the ‘shoulds’

Panic and can’t think of any words, when normally in head I have so many explanations buzzing around, if I feel on the spot, or judged. If I don’t like the language being used, I want to answer the question clearly and calmly explain myself, but my brain shuts down.

Buy me a coffee 💜❤️

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