Hi, I'm Tara, I live in England and write about ADHD and trauma. My brain waffles (thinks, emotes, reflects.. forgets!) in run on sentences, with five million tangents. Prone to exaggeration - oh, the drama! In fact, the first time my mind ever went quiet was on taking ADHD medication. Diagnosed at the age of 40, it's brought about a profound shift in terms of my relationship with self. Yes, I wish I had known earlier. That hurts at times, when I mourn for younger me, but I'm starting to live more in the present when it comes to how I make my life work for NOW. For me. There were years of existing and not living. Not being present. I'm still there a lot of the time. Am moving forwards though and life isn't linear, so there will be ups and downs. I'm beginning to propel through. Consciously trying to shut down the negative self talk and be kinder to myself. It's (un)funny that we, often, don't realise how abnormal our internal experience is until it's validated. Or, until we start to journey out of it.. Then, it feels there are so many layers of pain, but also positivity and hope.
Yes, keep going in one way
Allow myself rest, that I shame myself less for..
push on.. value myself..
…………………………………………………………….
I do not want to just push on, barely there, and accept the bare minimum for myself.
I’ve done that for years.
I want to keep going, but in a different way.
This isn’t even related to external living, but to my interior. I’m worthy of kindness, gentleness and care.
If there’s a typical experience and way of running the day to day that doesn’t work for this brain, there might be little (big) things I can do to help manage that better.
These can feel huge and meaningful. Many connecting me to younger parts of myself and appreciating that I didn’t, and often don’t, feel seen for who I am.
Now, I can love myself and value the gorgeous creativity and feeling, human core.
Schedules, cleaning and What I need to be ‘more productive’ can be a focus.
I’m not thinking about how this looks externally (although there have been years of shame around that), but about my experience of it and how my body reacts.
Settling the overwhelm as best I can.
Exploring, and enjoying, the hyperfocus!
Putting myself in safe and comfortable environments that make that possible.
Trying to re-direct my energy, at times, can feel physically painful! There’s a pull.
I must write.
I want to write authentically and in ways that connect to my soul.
There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to make an income from this.
Sometimes, I object to society’s representations of the ‘hustle’, though. The impression that in order to be a ‘valuable’ member of society, you have to keep going, to the point of burnout.
My brain can work in a different way. Periods of intense activity. Then time to rejuvenate and recover, with a step back from feeling observed, physically.
For example, I may want to be alone.
In spaces in which I feel safe.
In a coffee shop corner with my back to the wall. Nobody right next to me..
with just the right ambience!
Imagine talking to a child, or younger me, in the way I’ve spoken to myself historically.
I love the way my mind works. The fact that I wonder whether dogs are told stories when they smell and what those stories could be. What is this telling you? What are the magical tales? Is this your book of discovery, or 3D, interactive film? I think of a kinetic energy, propelling me forward. A cherished hyperfocus. A passion. The flurry of excitement. I don't want to feel I'm apologising for who I am anymore.
ADHD | Tara’s Substack (tarastar) | Substack
Does sniffing tell you stories?
It says on Google that dogs can smell humans up to 11 miles away, depending on conditions
I, Golden Retriever
I might just be a human golden retriever I, golden retriever Why walk when you can prance, or dance? I make what others would refer to as ‘mess’ I prefer to refer to it as golden glitter (!) The dishes aren’t done without splashing water I feel like a human hurricane My hair falls out and the lava in me spews out in poem Can’t focus on the one th…
Hi, I’m Tara - by Tara Star - Tara’s Substack (tarastar)
It wasn’t me (old soul)
Eyes of an eighty year old at the age of eight It’s been eighty four years Looking for a forty year old who saw a flicker of the eyes Seeing me as a ‘weirdo’ Greedily, hungrily wanting, momentarily, another to carry the weight . . Never speaking to them Getting close, but staring At the age of four Eyes craving Body curled up Never speaking but …
I cover writing and my relationship with it.
I also regularly write ABOUT WHAT I’M THINKING ABOUT..
Blog | Poet Mental Health poetry www.taratalks.net/blog tarastar
ADHD tax: part two. Trauma tax
ADHD, Ouch
Image credit: Canva
Speaking to release
There are so many things about myself that I love. Or ‘quirks’ that I find wonderful! I was a passenger in a vehicle recently, when I noticed map images on the Sat Nav in green and pink. The predominant thought was ‘Ohhh, Wicked - themed’ Perhaps, some would view that as
To release. .