What I’m thinking about. Being casually open about my ADHD ( in many situations)

It means the world to me. It’s an opposite of trapped, NEVER OVER-balancing post-diagnosis. It makes me feel connected. The joy of being open and of my me-ness. Talking about the struggles and needs.

Some might say that I ‘lead with’ my ADHD now. I am conscious that uninterested parties might find that annoying, or could make those sort of comments. 
For me, it’s really about openness and showing up as I am.

Seeing and Being me 

I was diagnosed at the age of 40 and had years of feeling I was (supposed to) try to fit into boxes, not made for me. That I was a bit much. Or that I couldn’t do certain things, which made me feel like an awful person. 
There was so much internalised shame. Layers and layers. 


I’m now really open (in safe circumstances and when I want to be) because I CAN be.
Understanding myself in a clearer way has felt so emotional, powerful and validating. 


I’ll say something light-hearted about my neurodivergent brain, or will comment on ‘going to sit on this high stool*’, as I’m way more comfy there. 
These sorts of things. 

I say it 

I skim over it, but I do find such joy in revealing myself, in a low-key manner. 
And I’m not saying sorry for the person that I am. 

Owning myself, expressing who I am and what means the world to me. 


After a Lifetime

There were so many years of hiding. Feeling scared. As if I had to, somehow, ‘justify’ the person that I am, but without any real context for that. 
I felt as if I wasn’t enough. I felt small and unworthy, not fitting in in so many spaces.
Clumsy, noisy and taking up Too much space.
All of that. 

Never OVER balancing the past

Now, I don’t feel shame. 
(Or I feel less shame).

There’s been trauma and I am peeling off layers of that self-blaming.  So, being able to be openly proud of who I am (most of the time) and saying something about my ADHD in a light-hearted and jokey way, feels validating and, as if, I don’t need to hide anymore. I love it.

Yes, I’ll say the words ADHD 
and Why not? 

For years, I felt so suppressed. There’s been so much internalised.
There are also always new levels of unmasking and it feels positive to be able to openly be me. 
I’m not hiding (and obviously saying these things in safe spaces and when comfortable is important), but I am me. 
Celebrating all the facets of me and Why shouldn’t I be able to?


Speaking it and Taking up Space 

It’s also allowing others to understand you. Along with connecting with other neurodivergent people. 


ADHD is part of me 

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I’m exhausted.
I love it when I can explain to friends that yesterday expended a lot of emotional energy (that something was very peopley), for example. And that, they get it!
There’s the recovery time.

On social media, I often see posts about neurodivergent people travelling together like packs of unregulated wolves. Being drawn to each other. 

I adore the fact that I am naturally attracted to more sensitive, often creative, often neurodivergent, humans and I love getting to know my people deeply. Let’s forget about the surface level stuff.

*swear that’s an ADHD thing. It might not be. The height, the balancing up there and with crossed legs the, almost, weightlessness!

Please sit safely!

Photo by Fruit Basket on Unsplash

Releasing me after years of shame, self-doubt and blame. So much was internalised and not apologising for being who I am feels incredible.

..

(Helping the people I want to, to understand me.

Explaining why I’m choosing to sit at that time, but casually

- and not apologising).

You could say I ‘lead with’ it now.

It’s being me!

I’m open about my ADHD. There are some work scenarios where I’m not, as it isn’t about me and as I’d rather hold back (to an extent), but often I put myself out there.

It can feel fantastic.

Sometimes there will be little comments that can feel slightly hurtful but, generally (for me, personally) it helps me.

No shame.

Here I am.

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