Me

Golden retriever energy, push and pull, fear

You hold me and tell me everything’s going to be ok

I won’t let myself feel it

In longing of your roots sinking in, I wait for you to go away

#selfprotection

#trauma

old poem #fear #traumaresponse

you wonder, am I self-sabotaging?

Can I trust my gut?

…

Golden retriever energy

from a human marshmallow

Squidgy, and layers of softness

So sickly, it’s yellow

Push me and shape me

Gelatine-free

and never fully set

I long for warmth and comfort

Never opaque

Vulnerable, in my mellow

My eyes, a book to be read

Transparent, in my lack of mystery

Terrified by streams of novels

On each day’s invisible stage

If they could see my elements

As I transmit, and they’d point out,

my pain

Nobody’s epic saga, though, is inflicted

on those, incapable of celebrated absorption

Scared of those who, once, raged

You, never meant for those who wouldn’t care for your story

Investing in self-love and true gentleness

No meaningless turnings, and takings,

Grabbing and gripping to ‘their’ belonging - an, uncredited, next page

Not transparent, but translucent

Your dawn comes in wonder

Pillow soft, with tears, in heavy

You dazzle of curious acceptance

Sadness and joy met with divine

in their eyes

‘I want to know you’

Spillages, shipwrecks and mallow pieces

never kicked and spit out

Connection, that wants to see you thrive

Because, the real, and beautiful,

want every stage

In it, for the full picture

Not for your booster, bolstering up, to cushion unreceptive hearts

A you, jellied, into desirable concoctions

that split - and fall apart

In meeting souls

that only want you, to be, you

and when light breaks and

you rise in wonder

It’s cherished by those,

who never doubted

You enter game changing, unapologetic

Cushioned by your insides

and those that always knew