An open letter to all anaesthesiologists / anaesthetists
Asking someone about their family dynamics might be a really bad idea.
It’s hard when there are things in life that you struggle with and you are asked questions, in a polite, great chit-chat way.
I remember, an anaesthesiologist touching on a difficult and triggering subject for me (not their fault) just before I went under.
I felt I had to be polite and pleasant, but felt uneasy with the conversation. It was the last thing I thought of.
When I woke up, I felt anxious and less comfortable and relaxed.
Coming across as happy and chatty, he probably saw no sign for concern.
When a trigger is rubbed up against though, it’s like a bruise being touched, or remarked upon. It can also take a while to absorb what the discomfort is.
And I bruise like a peach.
I felt it straight away that time. Knew it instantly and wished I could go and take his words, and my words, back.
But, the organs had shifted. A feeling descended that I couldn’t define.
The blood was running colder. And, I was lying on the table. Already a pretty vulnerable position to be in.
I’ve had surgeries before where I’ve woken up relaxed, or much more so.
There is no feeling of threat or danger.
..
To some people this may sound extreme.
Externally, you probably wouldn’t even see it. When I go quiet after you’ve brought something up, or am having to think about how to answer a question.
That’s often the moment.
I take a deep breath.
There might be a momentary look of sadness, then sometimes hidden with a joke. Sarcasm. Irony.
Or just nothing at all.
My eyes would show it, I feel.
I feel scared and, as though, my internal dread, can be seen externally.
There is a lifetime of covering up though and I AM AN EXPERT.
Image credit: Canva
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How I feel when I go to sleep could affect how I feel when I wake up and I just want to feel as secure and relaxed as possible.
Why couldn’t ‘has experienced trauma’ be put in notes (with permission). Discussed in advance. There being an awareness.
Conversation topics could then be approached sensitively and more mindfully.
General topics.
Not the ‘big stuff’.
I know there is probably so much to think about, but there could be more awareness in the medical community (I’ve found there often is with nurses)
..
It can be hard to avoid everyone’s triggers, but you could try.
Family dynamics
Relationship status / why single?
Surgical staff and anaesthetists could be mindful if there was more awareness.
